All in Tarrytown

Just a quick check-in. This week has been a flurry of activity as I’ve been preparing for my featured artist and art demo event at Tappan Z Gallery on Friday, November 20.

I’ve had great fun the last two days making armature models using wire and aluminum foil and masking tape and creating polymer clay base bodies over some of the armatures. Packing for this event has been like packing for a workshop. I want to make sure I have all my essential tools because I can’t just run home to get something if I forget it.

I’m also taking some new work to sell at Tappan Z, including Patches, one of my Yes-No Men, and Jester Cat and Junior

Jester Cat and Junior

Side view

Jester Cat and Junior sit on a handmade stool. On the stool is a Scrabble tile in the letter ‘F’ for ‘fun, furry, fool’ and a small jester wand. Junior, currently sitting on Jester Cat’s lap, is removable and stands on his own.

The art demo is part of the Third Friday Gallery Stroll event in Tarrytown. The event runs from 5:00pm to 10:00pm. If you’re in the area, stop by and say “hi.”

Monday Reflection

Thinking brand new thoughts that you’ve never thought before
is wildly more conducive to creating big life changes
than just thinking different varieties of the same old thoughts.

Think about it -

The Universe

Standing at Water’s Edge: Chapter 4

Note: Fellow artist Leah Piken Kolidas recently interviewed Dr. Paris on her blog. You’ll find the interview here

Finding Strength In Mirrors

In Chapter 4, Dr. Paris begins to explain the three types of relationships that she believes are crucial to all creative types. Chapter 4 focuses on “mirrors;” those people who validate our strengths, our talents, and our uniqueness.

Chapter 4 begins with a relatively well-known quote from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

It appears this fear of our powerfulness may stem from our childhood experiences.  According to Dr. Paris, many theorists believe people are born with a feeling of specialness. It begins when a baby cries because she is hungry and expects to be recognized, fed, and  nourished. The mother feeds the baby and the baby feels recognized.

As the baby grows into a toddler, a feeling of invincibility emerges. Remember playing the role of your favorite superhero? At this stage, the parent may support the fantasy and keep the child’s self-esteem intact. More often, well-intentioned parents try to protect their child from disappointment and tell the child that s/he does not have any superpowers. Now the child may hold on to the fantasy even harder to preserve his sense of power or the child may fear devastation of his self-esteem if he dares dream of being anybody special.

Can’t relate to the superhero scenario? How about this situation:

As a child you bring home a drawing you did in school and proudly show it to your mother. Mother is preoccupied with other tasks, doesn’t sense your enthusiasm about your drawing, and, in a disinterested voice tells you “That’s nice.” Or, as Dr. Paris adds, the mother finds fault with the drawing.

The mother did not mirror or reflect back the child’s enthusiasm. The child is humiliated for feeling proud and disappointed in her mother. Moving forward, the child decides not to show future drawings to her mother. In fact, the child tells herself that she isn’t very good at drawing which may, in turn, become a block to immersing in creativity.

Our need for validation, for reflection of our sense of greatness does not end with childhood. Our need for the admiration of others continues throughout life. Even the most self-confident person needs to feel validated by others.

At this point our childhood experiences and our lifelong history influence how we deal with current blocks.

Blocks and Fears

Dr. Paris briefly discusses the ability to feel special, the capacity to immerse and receive constructive criticism before discussing blocks and fears. The following are common blocks and fears that artists may face in the realm of feeling special and great.

Absence of Positive Mirroring in Childhood

In this situation, you may have grown up without positive mirroring from others and do not expect to receive this kind of affirmation. To work through this, we must begin to clearly ask for what we need from those around us.  Yes, that may not be as easy as it sounds. Aren’t we taught, especially women, to NOT ask for what we want?

Another alternative, if asking for what you need is not easy, is to visualize someone or an entire audience being appreciative of your work. Perhaps you can then begin to visualize asking for what you want or need to hear.

Fear of Exposure and Not Being Good Enough

I think many of us can relate to this situation. How often have you said to yourself “I’m afraid people will discover I’m a fraud” or that you’ll be “found out.” Or how about this one: “I would have done better if I had spent more time on it.”

Many of these statements stem from our fear of rejection or criticism. Rejection or criticism injures our self-esteem. Therefore we procrastinate, avoid immersion, don’t fully invest ourselves, and shield ourselves from a full creative experience. In some sense, we can’t live up to our own high standards or previous successes. We keep our selves from taking risks.

Fear of Success

This one is key for me. For the most part, I’ve moved past the fear of failure scenario. Nowadays, I tend to fear success. Sounds silly doesn’t it? And where does this fear come from? Fear of change.

Think about it. Success may mean a change in lifestyle; finances improve, new friends emerge, professional visibility increases.

Uh-oh. But I like my comfort zone.

As Dr. Paris points out the creation of anything new involves the destruction of something old, which brings considerable anxiety.

The Fear of Having Nothing to Offer

Ah, another one I can relate to; the fear of having nothing of value to offer or that no one would be interested in our gifts. Ever say to yourself “Who would want to buy this stuff?”

While we need to receive positive mirroring from others in order to be nourished, we also need to be able to provide nourishment to others. The give and take between self and others, or between self and creative medium, creates a mutuality of interaction that underlies our strength and confidence. When we experience being a capable and trustworthy provider to others, we may then feel that we have something valuable to offer through an artistic realm.

Guides

Dr. Paris concludes this chapter with the following tasks to consider.

• Dare to dream big. Take back your dreams of childhood and reach for them.
• Evaluate your support network. The presence of others in your life does not mean they provide the kind of support you need.
• Reach out for support. Be aware of what you need and be able to ask for it.
• Mentor or teach others. Self-confidence and strength are bolstered when we feel others recognize our skills.

Join Me

I invite you to join me as I read Standing at Water’s Edge. You can purchase the book through Amazon, Dr. Paris’s web site, or perhaps find it at your local library or bookstore. My goal is to post every 7-10 days a summary of the chapter and share any a-ha moments that occurred. I welcome your comments on this and successive posts. Share your a-ha moments and experiences while reading the book. You can join in at any time. If you have a blog and are also writing about your experiences with this book, please include a link to your blog in your comment. I’ll include your blogs at the end of my posts.

Book Outline

Standing at Water’s Edge is divided into three parts with 10 chapters as follows:

Part 1: The Secret World of Creativity
Chapter 1: The Secret World of Creativity
Chapter 2: The Light and Dark of Immersion

Part II: Relationships
Chapter 3: The Need for Others
Chapter 4: Finding Strength in Mirrors
Chapter 5: Finding Inspiration in Heroes
Chapter 6: Finding Comfort in Twins
Chapter 7: Connecting with the Audience and Meeting Deadlines

Part III: Stages of the Creative Process
Chapter 8: Approaching Immersion
Chapter 9: Diving In
Chapter 10: Coping with Disengagement and Reentry

Monday Reflection

He who thinks he knows, doesn’t know.
He who knows that he doesn’t know, knows.
- Joseph Campbell

Checking-In

I’m finding this month to be busier than originally expected. That is a good thing because I am immersing myself in my studio. Unfortunately I am not keeping up with the blog as often as I would like. So here is a little update.

New Approach to Tracking Studio Time

In my post summarizing Chapter 2 of Standing at Water’s Edge, I mentioned how I often cringe at the word “productive.” The word carries a bit of baggage for me due to my previous job as a Speech-Language Pathologist. Anyways, I realized that my previous approach to keeping track of time in the studio was also a hindrance.

This week I gave up on keeping track of every little thing I did in the studio.  Instead, I track time on my daily priority and to-do list. It has simplified the process significantly. It means I keep my time and tasks all in one place (ah, simplicity.) And I feel less self-imposed pressure to look and be productive.

Old Studio Time Log

New Studio Time Log

With the new studio time log, everything is on one page; my appointments for the day/week, priorities for the day, and a to-do list. And if I’m really good, I’ll add habits to remember, such as exercising and drinking water, and non-habits, such as spending too much time on Twitter or mindless busyness.

Mind Map

Prior to making this change I also wrote out my first ever mind-map. I have a long term goal to have my fine art in 10 fine art galleries. Creating a mind-map gave me a tangible, visible map for all the tasks I need to work on to reach this goal. Mind-mapping is neat because you can drill down to the smallest task you can think of in order to reach a goal. And you can add and expand the mind-map as needed.

After creating this mind-map, I took small tasks from the larger goals and created my list of goals for the month. I also looked at my schedule this month and, working backwards from specific dates, wrote tasks to be completed on the calendar. This whole approach gave me a great feeling of clarity at the beginning of the month and decreased the feeling of overwhelm that can easily creep up on me.

Back Update

About three weeks ago I started physical therapy to heal my herniated discs. I also had an appointment with a neurosurgeon who reviewed my MRI results and concluded that I am not a candidate for back surgery now or in the near future. (Yipee!) The herniated discs are not very big. The disc between L4-5 is the primary problem child; however, physical therapy has made a significant improvement in my level of pain. In fact, I have very little pain these days. In about three weeks, I’ve gone from having leg pain and cramping that would start soon after walking to having no pain whether I walk 1/3 of a mile or 3 miles!

The physical therapist uses a technique called the McKenzie Technique which essentially teaches you how to control and understand your body and your pain. In my case, we worked on back bending movements first to strengthen the back and to get the disc to return to its normal position and then we worked on forward bending movements. It really has been awesome because I felt a noticeable improvement in about 3 days.

Book Update

With this busy schedule I’m a bit behind on my own reading. I finished Chapter 4 in Standing at Water’s Edge this morning and will post a summary early next week.

Monday Reflection

Do not take lightly small good deeds, believing they can hardly help.
For drops of water, one by one, in time can fill a giant pot.
-Patrul Rinpoche
Buddhist Teaching

Standing at Water’s Edge: Chapter 3

The Need for Others

The third chapter in Standing at Water’s Edge is a preface to Dr. Paris’s discussion on relationships and the importance of relationships in the creative process. She begins with an interview with Loren Long, a book illustrator. In a nutshell, Mr. Long has an ideal situation: he has a strong connection to his family and his art. His family is a strong support network for him and his art. At the end of the interview, Dr. Paris tells Mr. Long: “I view your lifestyle as a sign of your strength, and I believe that your relationships with your wife and children support and enrich your ongoing capacity to create.”

Not that Mr. Long doesn’t have self-doubt. He does say in the interview “I guess that, in general, I always need someone to like my work. If they don’t, my self-doubt comes to the surface. You know, like I’m not living up to the grand fantasies I have about myself or about what my work should look like.”

I remember feeling that when I first started working as an artist full-time. I wanted everyone to like my art. The reality is not everyone will like your art. And I’ve come to accept that because I certainly know that I don’t like every piece of art I see either. However, as creative types, we all need someone (or several someones) to support us. The support we receive from relationships helps to keep us productive, happy, and energetic.

Dr. Paris sums this up nicely:

Positive relationships help to move us forward and help us to grow. Positive relationships also help the artist along in his creative process. Good relationships can bolster our courage to take the plunge into creativity. And likewise, not-so-good relationships, or a lack of relationships, can inhibit our dive.

I know from personal experience that I excel in the company of community. The year I participated in an art salon, I believe my business excelled because I was making and keeping goals and those in the group kept me on track. Since then I feel like I haven’t done quite as well, nor have I found quite the same support network.

Dr. Paris makes this additional point:

Although most people will agree that relationships are an important part of their life and that relationships help them to feel strong and capable, many people have a difficult time developing and sustaining these supports.

BINGO!

Personally, I believe some of this difficulty comes when people change, move forward or backward, change their focus, become overwhelmed by other factors in life, etc, etc. I do believe in that saying about people coming into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The hard part is maintaining relationships. It takes effort from both persons.  As Dr. Paris points out Rather than striving to become self-sufficient and independent of others, we must seek to become better at creating gratifying relationships.

In this chapter, Dr. Paris talks a bit about psychology and human behavior and changes in this area over the last two decades. At the end of this discussion, she expresses her belief that creativity is more of a psychological state and process. It requires persistence, resilience, and determination (as various sources on creativity like to point out.) However, Dr. Paris believes that these traits are not a static or given ability. That the capacity to be creative emerges when we feel psychologically strong, safe, and understood by others.

But we all know that we are not all fortunate to have supportive friends, families, and others. So what do you do then?

Imagining Connection

Because of the belief that humans have a natural inclination for connection, it is possible that in the absence of real-life supportive relationships (or in addition to these relationships), imagining this kind of support is beneficial. In other words imagining supportive connections provides us the fuel to continue our attempts at creative immersion and sustains us through the various blocks and fears we encounter along the way.

Okay, I understand this point. I’ve done some visualization tasks, such as before heading off to an art show or before entering a gallery to present my work. And yes, it does give me a boost of confidence. This section also made me think a bit about the Law of Attraction and how visualizing can help bring about that which you desire.

Dr. Paris points out that while many artists are socially isolated or withdrawn, internally we are able to experience connections with others. And we often experience that connection with others through our art.

Before moving on to a discussion of three kinds of relationships, Dr. Paris poses two questions to consider:

What kinds of relationships do you need to facilitate your creativity?

What gets in the way of developing these kinds of relationships?

Join Me

I invite you to join me as I read Standing at Water’s Edge. You can purchase the book through Amazon, Dr. Paris’s web site, or perhaps find it at your local library or bookstore. My goal is to post every 7-10 days a summary of the chapter and share any a-ha moments that occurred. I welcome your comments on this and successive posts. Share your a-ha moments and experiences while reading the book. You can join in at any time. If you have a blog and are also writing about your experiences with this book, please include a link to your blog in your comment. I’ll include your blogs at the end of my posts.

Book Outline

Standing at Water’s Edge is divided into three parts with 10 chapters as follows:

Part 1: The Secret World of Creativity
Chapter 1: The Secret World of Creativity
Chapter 2: The Light and Dark of Immersion

Part II: Relationships
Chapter 3: The Need for Others
Chapter 4: Finding Strength in Mirrors
Chapter 5: Finding Inspiration in Heroes
Chapter 6: Finding Comfort in Twins
Chapter 7: Connecting with the Audience and Meeting Deadlines

Part III: Stages of the Creative Process
Chapter 8: Approaching Immersion
Chapter 9: Diving In
Chapter 10: Coping with Disengagement and Reentry

A Colorific Weekend

Dancing with the Rainbow

Dancing with the Rainbow is the title of the Lindly Haunani color workshop I took this past weekend in CT. The title is an apt description for a workshop that immerses you in color from the moment it starts. The workshop was hosted by the Southern Connecticut Polymer Clay Guild.

When I was asked if I wanted to go to the workshop, I immediately said “yes.” And then I had a few moments of hesitation. Could I afford to go? What in the world would I get out of this workshop? I don’t make jewelry or do much canework. Then I remembered a comment Christine Kane once made when you’re in this type of situation: “Can I afford not to go?”

I began to think about my own fear of working with color. How I’ve never been comfortable enough to play and experiment with color. I use polymer clay colors primarily as they come out of the package but I’ve never made my own color palette. That, however, was about to change….

Day One: Color Collages & Heads Explode

After an introduction and a little color history, we started the workshop by sorting through the color magazine clippings we brought. We quickly sorted into two piles; images we liked and images we didn’t. Then we sorted the “like” pile into sub-piles according to color families. Finally, Lindly walked around the room and worked with each of us to choose a color family to create our collage. Most people chose colors that they did not normally work with.

Discussing Color

Choosing Color Palettes

Choosing Colors Isn't Always Easy

It was really interesting to watch people choose their colors. Sometimes our eyes gravitated to a pile of images, sometimes people took a small step toward the pile of images that attracted them. For some people the tone of their voice changed as they talked about the colors that excited them versus the colors they typically worked with.

After our color family was chosen, we created our collages. And then the real work began.

My Color Palette

I typically work in more muted tones or earth tones. I knew I wanted to work in a brighter color family. I initially gravitated toward the red color family but when I stood back and looked at my two choices-the vibrant yellows, oranges and lime greens and the reds, I immediately went for the above color palette.

My Color Collage

More Color Collages

The collages above are examples of those created by some of the ladies in the workshop.

So what is this about heads exploding?

After we created our collages, Lindly walked us through the process of determining the base primary colors in each collage. Now you have to remember that Lindly has been working with color and honing her expertise in color for 20 years. She can pick out the primary colors in any collage with ease. And for me…not so much. Isn’t blue, is blue, is blue?

The primary colors we worked with were cadmium red, fuchsia, cobalt blue, ultramarine blue, cadmium yellow and zinc yellow in Premo polymer clay. And then there were the secondary colors of orange, violet, and green. And of course there are the in between colors that result from mixing your primaries in various proportions. Oh and there is this “color” called mud which results when you combine equal portions of your primaries and you use it to help you create your custom colors.

Yikes! Let the brain overload and head exploding commence

I had a pretty hard time wrapping my head around this whole concept with the first few collages we reviewed. I have rarely looked at color from this point of view. Remember, I tend to work work with polymer clay colors directly from the package. I have almost every color available in the Premo color line. Why mix colors when the colors are already prepared for you? Oh silly, silly me.

Lindly placed primary color tiles on the collages and helped us to determine which primary colors made up the collage. If the primary color tiles didn’t click, we worked in reverse and used secondary colors and their variations to help us determine the primary colors. (The primary colors are essentially the DNA for all the color variations.) This approach seemed to work better for me. Surprisingly, after some time, things were starting to click for me.

By George, I think she’s getting it!

Analyzing Collages

Using Tasting Tiles on Collages

More Tasting Tiles

Day Two: A Door Opens

On Sunday something magical happened. A door opened as I finally became comfortable with this new experience. I found myself getting excited about making my own colors. I thought about the designs I’ve created in my current pieces. I realized that with this new knowledge, my current work seemed rather boring.

On the second day of the workshop, we finished reviewing the collages, Lindly demonstrated a few techniques for creating designs with Skinner Blends and various texture tools, and then we got to play with our color palettes. Our goal was to cover a wood mirror frame using our color palettes.

Then a bit of hesitation set in for me. What did I just learn? How did we make those colors? What color combination makes green?

Have you ever had that happen where you learn something and then you say “what are we supposed to do?”

So I slowly played with my color palette and started to learn the color formulas. I wasn’t being terribly exact and stopped trying to write out the formula (a little of this color, then a pinch of that color, and a lot of that color.) As I became more comfortable with playing, I found I was able to look at my color collage and determine that I needed more yellow, or white, or mud, to create a better match.

This was fun!

Collages & Custom Color Frames

More Collages & Frames

Christy's Frame & Collage

Karen's Frame & Collage

My Collage & Frame

We were having such fun making our colors that most of us didn’t cover our mirror frames. So I’ll post my finished mirror at a later date.

I must thank Lindly for an awesome workshop and for opening a new creative door. I now have a greater appreciation for color and for making custom colors. Thanks too to the SCPCG for being gracious and welcoming hosts.

Note: Lindly Haunani is co-author with Maggie Maggio of Polymer Clay Inspirations: Techniques and Jewelry Projects for Creating Successful Palettes. To learn more about Lindly’s workshops and order her book, visit her website. She also has a blog. For more information on the Southern Connecticut Polymer Clay Guild, visit here.

Monday Reflection

We need a repeated discipline, a genuine training
in order to let go of our old habits of mind
and to find and sustain a new way of seeing.

-Jack Kornfield

Standing at Water’s Edge-Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Light and Dark of Immersion

In this chapter, Dr. Paris shares various scenarios on the struggle of immersion. I love the passage from Joseph Campbell that introduces this chapter:

Destruction of the world that we have built and in which we live, and of ourselves within it. But then a wonderful reconstruction of the bolder, cleaner, more spacious, and fully human life-that is the lure, the promise, and the terror…that we carry within

And so it can be with immersion; a struggle to begin, fear of starting, fear of the unknown, but the promise of a potentially wonderful outcome.

This chapter focuses on artistic blocks and how recognizing and understanding our blocks helps us get past them. And if we don’t recognize the nature of these blocks, we risk staying in a state of being unproductive.

I have to admit here that I still cringe at the word “productive.” The reason being the nine years I spent working as Speech-Language Pathologist. Whether I worked as a therapist for contract companies or whether I worked internally at a specific facility, we were expected to track our hours. Hours spent treating patients, time spent evaluating patients, time spent in meetings, etc, etc, etc. And though I understood most of the rationale for this (e.g. billable time), I couldn’t help but feel like someone was constantly looking over my shoulder. In some ways, it instilled a feeling that we weren’t trusted to do our jobs effectively.

Even today I tend to track my hours in the studio but sometimes I wonder if seeing that time written on a piece of paper contributes to my feeling guilty that I didn’t spend enough time working on my art or if it keeps me from getting started on a project in the first place. You know, because someone is looking over my shoulder checking to see if I’m being productive.

But I digress…..

In this chapter, Dr. Paris shares two examples of artists experiencing blocks and how they dealt with their individual situations (one through therapy, one through addictive behaviors.) But regardless of how these people dealt with their situations, the resolution in both cases revolved around understanding the situation and the significant role relationships play in the process.

It is when we disengage from one immersive experience and have no where else to turn for another immersive experience that darkness can set in. We become vulnerable to this “darkness” which may take the form of loneliness, hopelessness, feeling unsupported, or feeling worthless. The feelings may be fleeting or they may last for a period of time.

I can certainly relate to these feelings. I felt this way when I returned from France this summer. I now realize it was the immersive experience, the sense of community and friendship that made the trip so enjoyable. When I came home, I felt a sense of emptiness, loneliness, and overall blah. This is when I learned the importance of community in my artistic life. That is, connections.

Dr. Paris discusses five symptoms that can result as a lack of immersion and lead to blocks:

• anxiety and restlessness which leave one feeling lost and without direction (yep, felt that one)
• distrust and paranoia; lack of trust in the self and in others (sure, sometimes I don’t trust my self, my ideas out of fear of failure)
• underachievement; that is, it is safer not to immerse and risk failure (yep, related to that one)
• numbness and social isolation when the vitalizing effects of immersion are not present (makes me wonder if working in a home studio contributes to social isolation)
• anger, aggression, and violence; connections with other detached and angry persons can lead to aggression

So many lightbulb moments here!

This chapter concludes with a section titled “The Light” and this sentence seems to sum it all up:

We know what we need: to feel special, to feel safe, to feel understood, and to feel connection.

In the guides section, Dr. Paris outlines three points:

1. To be aware of and respect the fears you are facing. To take a deeper look at what fears you are facing. Awareness of these fears is the first step in stretching beyond them.
2. Understand your dread to repeat. Here is where you want to identify previous experiences of disappointment, failure, etc and how you coped. Then identify moments of success. Together our memories of disappointment, failure, and success contribute to our fears, dreads, and hopes.
3. Reach out for support. When you disengage from creativity, turn to other relationships or activities for immersion.

Join Me

I invite you to join me as I read Standing at Water’s Edge. You can purchase the book through Amazon, Dr. Paris’s web site, or perhaps find it at your local library or bookstore. My goal is to post every 7-10 days a summary of the chapter and share any a-ha moments that occurred. I welcome your comments on this and successive posts. Share your a-ha moments and experiences while reading the book. You can join in at any time. If you have a blog and are also writing about your experiences with this book, please include a link to your blog in your comment. I’ll include your blogs at the end of my posts.

Book Outline

Standing at Water’s Edge is divided into three parts with 10 chapters as follows:

Part 1: The Secret World of Creativity
Chapter 1: The Secret World of Creativity
Chapter 2: The Light and Dark of Immersion

Part II: Relationships
Chapter 3: The Need for Others
Chapter 4: Finding Strength in Mirrors
Chapter 5: Finding Inspiration in Heroes
Chapter 6: Finding Comfort in Twins
Chapter 7: Connecting with the Audience and Meeting Deadlines

Part III: Stages of the Creative Process
Chapter 8: Approaching Immersion
Chapter 9: Diving In
Chapter 10: Coping with Disengagement and Reentry