As part of this transition period and potential new journey, I asked a dear friend if she would do a Tarot card reading for me. We used a lovely deck called the Tarot of Transformation by Willow Arleana and Jasmin Lee-Cori. Out of the three decks presented to me, this was the one I was most drawn to. And I could definitely feel an energy from the deck in both of my hands as I shuffled the cards, spread them on the table, and repeated my question over and over in my head.
We did a three card spread which included reading the interpretation of my chosen cards, asking questions, and lots of discussion.
Now I know the intention of doing a Tarot card reading is to assist or guide the receiver as she deals with the situation that lays before her. That is why the cards are interpreted and questions are asked. The cards are not supposed to tell you what to do, though perhaps the cards might confirm something you already know deep inside.
And that is part of what this reading did for me.
But oh how I wish they would just tell me what to do!
I come from a long line of years of doing what has been expected of me (don’t we all, especially women?) or doing things based on other people’s advice or suggestion. So to think about truly doing something because my inner voice is rising up and poking at me and getting antsy with me is scary and overwhelming.
What if I fail? What if this still isn’t the right thing to do? What if I really don’t know what I’m doing? What if…what if…what if…
Last week at the health food store I bought a 3-pack of mini-smudge sticks. Smudging is a ritual common among Native American tribes that involves burning a bundle of sage, cedar, or sweetgrass and gently waving the smoldering stick around the area (or person) to clear negative energy. You can read one explanation about this ritual here.
I’m not sure what prompted me to buy the sticks that day but I’m glad I did as I used one of them yesterday to clear my studio. I chose a sacred white sage bundle, lit it from the flame of a candle, and as it started to smolder I walked around the studio asking for the negative, old energy to be cleared and to welcome new energy and creativity.
I cleared all four corners of the studio and my desk area. In the process I also cleared the space around me as the smoke had a tendency to envelope me as I moved about the studio. When the ritual was completed, I extinguished the sage in a small polymer clay bowl filled with sand and set both items on my altar.
Poor Pippin wasn’t too happy with this ritual. He laid on the floor the whole time watching me move through the studio. When I was finished and I bent over to pat him, he scrunched up his little furry face and seemed to say “Mommy, you smell funny.”
The scent of the white sage stayed in the studio for quite some time. While it was a little overpowering at first, I gradually got used to the smell and found it rather soothing.
More Messages Along the Way
One of the cards in the Tarot spread indicated that I need to spend more time in prayer, meditation, and in opening up to my intuitive nature and awareness. Going away on vacation took me out of that daily schedule/structure I had started. I did return to my seated meditation yesterday after almost three weeks of absence. It can be so hard to get back into this habit, even though I know it is good for me. It is like restarting (or starting, for that matter) an exercise program. Certainly a few minutes in silence is better than nothing. And I’m returning to reading my affirmations and writing daily in my gratitude journal.
Ironically, my Daily Om horoscope for yesterday was titled “When Opportunity Knocks.” One line in the horoscope said “It may be that an optimistic mood coupled with the belief that your prospects are thriving has opened your eyes to avenues previously hidden from you.” and “…consider reexamining your current goals so you can be sure that they are reflective of your aptitudes and outlook for the future.”
On Twitter, two quotes caught my eye:
Don’t deny your “gut feeling” it could be your calling trying to keep you focused on what’s important. (posted by Paul Peixoto)
Today’s Practice – Let go of the need to explain yourself. (posted by Jackie Walker)
Perhaps these are more small messages for me to become aware of on this journey.